20 reasons to be hopeful

1. Trump has been in office for 110 days, meaning we only face 1,352 days more of this miasmic cloud of despair. (* Note: I refuse to ever contemplate a second term). For those who already have an overflowing daily calendar, here is a convenient countdown.
2. He hasn’t blown up the world … yet. Nor, has he formally started a war with North Korea, Syria, China, or Russia (though any of the first three could soon be in the offing).
3. Whether or not he actually pushes the big red button, Trump’s Tough Talk will at least be a boon for the defense industry. Send out those resumes now, before it’s too late!

   
   Deferred for flat feet, twitchy trigger finger.

4. Though data is limited, appears to have set an almost unsurpassable watermark for most lies ever perpetrated in 100 days, putting Pinocchio, the Boy Who Cried Wolf and even Bernie Madoff to shame. The Washington Post puts the current tally at 492, though one assumes they are low-balling the Commander-in-Thief.
5. Trump has not had sexual relations with an Oval Office intern, as far as we know, though we can assume he’d like to bigly.
6. Has not used the phrase “you’re fired” since taking the Oath of Office; at least in public. Chances he’s said them to Mike Flynn behind closed doors: rather high. Flynn, of course, didn’t make it anywhere near 100 days and now faces the possibility of going from National Security Adviser to Big Bob’s Bitch at a Federal Prison near you.

   
   Nothing to see here, folks. Just a Cabinet member fired after 24 days and negotiating with the FBI.

7. Things aren’t really that bad….unless you’re a woman, minority, undocumented immigrant, child, poor, middle class, or anyone without literal swimming pools full of money to do laps in. Trump probably now holds the record for turning on the very people who elected him faster than any president in history; leading me to include at least 90% of his voters in the “you’re screwed” category above. Lefties might consider that just dessert were they not equally boned.
8. He has filled fewer positions in his administration that any president in history after 100 days, which could translate to inactivity over ineptitude in some arenas. This includes all those pesky prosecutors he fired with nary a day to clean out their offices. Who needs a working legal system when corporate fealty is on the line? More to the point, with no one staffing the Executive Branch….
9. …he has failed in accomplishing any of the items on his 100-day plan; a first in recent presidential history. Some of these were blocked by the courts, others by a less-than-unified GOP, still others by the aforementioned historically understaffed executive branch.

   

10. Trump’s record for number of tweets by a president (which he broke on day 1 in office) is unlikely to ever be surpassed, or even approached.
11. He has not brought in any of the white supremacists that helped elect him into the White House – oh wait, scratch that one.
12. The Top 10% of wage earners should be in line for a yuge tax cut, even bigger for the top 1%. So 32,100,000 people or so will be much better off (and 3,210,000 rolling in it) – with the 288,900,000 who will see their quality of life decline rather precipitously a small price to pay to ensure our un-anointed royalty can buy a new yacht or seven.
13. The often-confusing and frequently misunderstood moniker Net Neutrality is probably toast. Soon, we won’t have to worry about corporations taking over the Internet, slowing down traffic to sites that are interested in silly things like invigorating our democracy, protecting the rights of women, children, the poor, minorities and the disenfranchised, or expanding the number and diversity of voices in the public sphere. With the irksome misnomer on the verge of elimination in lieu of increased profits for our biggest corporations, only the American public and our democracy need suffer. Bye bye net neutrality, hello to the much more exciting-sounding Internet Fast Lane. Woo-hoo!
14. By eliminating foreign aid for the poorest and most wretched of the Earth and continuing to push to get 24 million+ Americans off the healthcare rolls, Trump could very well be the key actor in helping to address global overpopulation. And that’s even if he doesn’t fumble the nuclear football.

    
    “So, hey guys. Where’s the big red button?”

15. If you are a big fan of church in your state, you’ll love his just-signed executive order. Faith-based organizations will see a boom in their ability to manipulate domestic policy, going after those annoying women whining about things like access to birth control, abortions, and prenatal and postnatal care, gays who want to destroy the institution of marriage by daring to participate in it and those mad scientists trying to spread their absurd evolution myths. This should also be good news for medical professionals specializing in STDs, as abstinence-only education has led to a dramatic increase in non-vaginal sex and STDs for those teens receiving it. Go Gonorrhea, Go!
16. Not only does Idiocracy now seem like the most prescient film in years, one could argue it should be added, alongside Brave New World, 1984 and everything Jeff Koons has ever done, to the canon of dystopian art.
17. George W. Bush, Ulysses S. Grant, Richard Nixon, Warren Harding, and Andrew Johnson can all rest a little easier, as they have already moved down a notch on the list of worst Presidents, though Gerald Ford’s title as President who played the most golf while in office is in serious danger.

    
    19 times in 100 days.

18. America looks more and more like a Banana Republic of old, or a Russian Plutocracy of new, and I like both bananas and vodka.
19. It’s almost impossible to see any future president being as bad as Trump in our lifetimes, meaning the popular erstwhile sentiment that “things will get better” could be back in vogue in a few years. Unless, of course, he blows up the planet!
20. Now that you’ve finished reading this piece, you can check a few more minutes off of the reign of the future worst President in history.

Rock on, Trumpmania, rock on!