By: Patrick W. Zimmerman

Move over, Lex Luther! We’ve got a new criminal mastermind in town.

Putin? Erdoğan? Grand Admiral Thrawn? As if! None of them could possibly compete with the nefarious plots of Barack Hussein Obama, 44th POTUS and Evil Genius. At least, they can’t match the version of him that seems to exist in his successor’s head.

The question

What if we took Trump at his word?

Let’s see what results if I take every crazy thing our tinfoil-hat wearing Commander has said about Obama and rank him among the other great fantasy supervillains. Where does Evil Obama stack up?

Evil Obama

So where do we put Evil Obama? Just how bad is he? (In a hurry? Jump straight to the chart)

Evil Obama conducts a worldwide campaign of Radical Islamic Terror:

• AlternaFact: Obama founded ISIS. Sorry, you can’t use the Spicer Defense here, Trump is on record saying that he wasn’t speaking metaphorically but “No, I meant that he’s the founder of ISIS. I do.“
• AlternaFact: Obama makes deals with Iran, “#1 in terror.” Evil Obama is clearly expanding his terrorist network at the negotiating table as well as in the battlefield.
• AlternaFact: Obama stocked his terror army by releasing 122 vicious prisoners from Gitmo back onto the battlefield against America.
• AlternaFact: Obama is actually a Muslim born in Kenya who, to infiltrate the US presidency, forged his Hawaiian birth certificate. But Israeli Science helped uncover the truth that it was faked.

Evil Obama systematically undermines Trump’s Presidency:

• AlternaFact: Obama is behind the leaks that have been rampant during the Trump Administration. Trump has sources that convince him that “President Obama is behind it because his people are certainly behind it.”
• AlternaFact: Obama tapped Trump’s phones during the 2016 election.
• AlternaFact: Obama is the real Big Bad behind the massive and continuous protests against the Trump Administration and against the GOP generally. He’s getting people to come out by paying protesters and employing professional activists.
• AlternaFact: Obama allowed a top-secret intelligence report on Russian hacking to leak to NBC and the Washington Post before Trump could see it.
• AlternaFact: Obama designed Obamacare with a built-in expiration date. 2017, “that’s the year it was meant to explode, because Obama won’t be here.” Planned obsolescence to make the health system implode.
• AlternaFact: Obama commuted the sentence of traitor Chelsea Manning from prison, who was in prison for leaking Army secrets. Another leaker for his evil army.

Evil Obama used his presidency to weaken America:

• AlternaFact: Obama allowed (possibly in collusion) Russia to “run over” the US for 8 years and is responsible for the annexation of Crimea and the Russian missile buildup.
• AlternaFact: Obama tried to flood our country with dangerous illegal immigrants from Australia.
• AlternaFact: Obama was “kind to Iran,” giving it a $150 billion donation that allowed it to take over much of Iraq.

The Supervillain Threat-o-meter

I’m going to take a selection of 20 great supervillains (19 plus Evil Obama), trying to cover comics, movies, TV, and books (to whatever extent there’s a difference these days). Note: only Supervillains are considered; a certain level of flair is required. Our chosen set: Cersei Baratheon, Bowser, Montgomery Burns, Doctor Claw, Doctor Doom, GlaDOS, Auric Goldfinger, the Joker, Maleficent, Hannibal Lecter, Lex Luther, Sarah Kerrigan, Magneto, Professor Moriarty, Sauron, Keyser Söze, Darth Vader, Voldemort, and the Wicked Witch of the West. Evil Obama makes 20 because as humans we like numbers that echo our appendages.

Then, I’m going to sort them into a five rough categories. From highest to lowest Villain Threat Level, they are:

Level 1 – Multiplanetary+ – This is for everyone off the scale. Guys who use the God Mode cheat on life. Eldritch abominations, Time Lords threatening to destroy time itself, the mad Titan Thanos, Darkseid, and species capable of assimilating the galaxy go here. These are Big Bads with whom normal, everyday supervillains cannot be compared, so I’m going to lump them into a “yeah, they’re the best” group and not quibble about whether Galactus would beat the Reapers (answer: in single combat, oh yeah. All at once, probably not.).

Level 2 – Planetary – Destruction or conquest at a planetary scale. These people not only want to take over the world, they have at least a puncher’s chance or better at doing so. Nuclear holocaust, biohazards, or other threats are common here. Whether it’s to build a new hyperspace bypass or whether we blew it up ourselves, villains who try (and can) end the world, whether with a bang or whimper, go here.

Level 3 – Multinational – Here be Bond Villains and Warmongers, criminal cartels and multnational terrorists. A classic level of evil genius, they are either trying to take over multiple countries them (economically, culturally, or politically). Goldfinger manipulating worldwide gold prices is a classic example of an economic attempt at domination. Cobra and Hydra are more militaristic. The important difference between this category and Level 2 is scope. Today Europe? That’s here at Level 3. Tomorrow, the world? Level up to Level 2.

Level 4 – National – That’s a nice country you’ve got there. It’d be a shame if something happened to it. Evil Dictators, Presidents gone wrong, and Richard III belong here. Depending on the country, there can be a pretty big grey area between this level and the one above it. Quick check: Does your Evil President have nukes? Does he think it might be fun to use them? If yes, stick them in Level 3.

Level 5 – Municipal or below – A surprising number of villains end up here, as they lack ambition or scope. The Joker is probably the classic example, as he rarely is written as wanting more than to run Gotham, rob banks, and kill Batman. Especially the last one. You’ll find a lot of classic Crime Bosses, evil executives, and extremist civic leaders at this level.

Where does Evil Obama rank?

Answer: He’s clearly a Level 3 Supervillain.

Successfully taking over the government of the most powerful nation in the world and simultaneously founding its most prominent terrorist organization is a resumé that most Bond villains would kill for (literally, most likely). That said, he’s not really a threat to conquer the entire globe. At least not for now.

Maniacal laugh! Maniacal laaauuuggghhhh…..

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